Becoming Mindful There’s Only Yourself to Blame


Listening to a chat show I am mindful of the amount of blame and negativity being focussed on by the host and guests. When did we become such a race of blamers, should have, would have, could haves, it’s all his/her fault?

What ever happened to personal responsibility, duty and care for self?

Is it healthier to focus on everything good in our lives?

There is a saying,

“What we think and focus about regularly becomes our reality.”

Two friends meet for a catch up every month. They share news and plans. One is quite negative, their usual words include “everyone in my life lets me down” and goes on to list them. If you were the friend would you challenge the friend’s misconception by asking if you had ever let them down?

Perhaps, challenging the generalisation that everyone had let them down? Or would you keep quiet and let them talk it out? 

It can be easy to rush through life without stopping to notice details. Paying more attention to the present moment – to your own thoughts and feelings, and to the world around you – can improve your mental wellbeing. You can draw from your past experiences and re-write them. Like I did…….

I used to have the internal dialogue of poor me and day dream about my tragedies. My life was a series of unsatisfying events. A very boring job. Depression and unhappy relationships were the main courses served on a daily basis. Every day I would wake up and heave a heavy sigh. The day dragged me out of my soft, safe bed. The land of my dreams and fantasy creations. Awakening to a world of greyness and lacklustre events was a huge load to carry around.

Today I look back and wonder how I got through those times of deep torment. Today I am bursting to share my journey to happiness, contentment and a different mind-set. The first steps on my walk to freedom from greyness to happiness started with discovering Neuro Linguistic Programming N.L.P for short. The shift I made felt like driving around in a Lada Riva for 20 years and getting into a Mercedes-Benz S350 Bluetec.

Or imagine still struggling with the first mobile phone (shaped like a large brick) Motorola or Nokia since 1974. Why would you? Look what is available today. The smart phone, the iPhone. Android phones and many others. All clambering for your attention and communication needs. Information technology has made our own local world into a Global village. Call a family member in Australia via video or talk face2face with a colleague in China. This was the stuff of Star Trek and Sci-fi back in the 1950’s, 60’s and 70’s. The last 12 years have integrated much learning and experiences to equip me to help you to find your own way and discover your unique map and compass to sail away to enlightenment or set anchor in the bay of wonderment.

Our understanding of how we work is undergoing a similar transformation. Before we could see only through a dimly lit mirror. Today we have 3D widescreen technicolour tools to begin the journey of self-understanding, self-awareness and self-love. The final prizes of success lead to love, peace and contentment can be yours.

Some people call this awareness ‘mindfulness’, and you can take steps to develop it in your own life.

Improved mental wellbeing means feeling good about life and yourself, and being able to get on with life in the way you want.

You may think about wellbeing in terms of what you have: your money, home or car, or your job. But evidence shows that what we do and the way we think have the biggest impact on wellbeing.

Becoming more aware of the present moment means noticing the sights, smells, sounds and tastes that you experience, as well as the thoughts and feelings that occur from one moment to the next.

Mindfulness, sometimes also called “present-centredness”, can help us enjoy the world more and understand ourselves better.

Finding Mindfulness

Do you feel overwhelmed by anxiety, over-thinking and stress? The answer is here. There are many useful techniques. Finding the right ones for you may seem arduous. Which map, book, CD, coach or guide? I can help and you will begin the best journey of all by allowing me to walk alongside you.

What is mindfulness, you may ask?

Mark Williams, professor of clinical psychology at the Oxford Mindfulness Centre, says that mindfulness means knowing directly what is going on inside and outside ourselves, moment by moment.

Professor Williams says that mindfulness can be an antidote to the “tunnel vision” that can develop in our daily lives, especially when we are busy, stressed or tired.

“It’s easy to stop noticing the world around us. It’s also easy to lose touch with the way our bodies are feeling and to end up living ‘in our heads’ – caught up in our thoughts without stopping to notice how those thoughts are driving our emotions and behaviour,” he says.

“An important part of mindfulness is reconnecting with our bodies and the sensations they experience. This means waking up to the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of the present moment. That might be something as simple as the feel of a banister as we walk upstairs.

“Another important part of mindfulness is an awareness of our thoughts and feelings as they happen moment to moment.

“Awareness of this kind doesn’t start by trying to change or fix anything. It’s about allowing ourselves to see the present moment clearly. When we do that, it can positively change the way we see ourselves and our lives.”

Be present because today is a gift

Many successful, happy people write a journal.

I suggest you start your personal journal. To be fully present chose a special book, perhaps one with handmade paper or special binding with beautiful inscriptions in each new section.

Every day this week write down 5 things you are grateful for.

Do this before you get out of bed. The words start to gather a momentum and pace of their own. Every day will bring an abundance of thankfulness. This is gym space for your dreams.

You are preparing your mindscape for the abundance of the imagination. Bursting forth with the energy of spring and the promise of hosts of daffodils or gladness of new born lambs.

12 Months, 52 Weeks, 365 Days, 8,765 Hours, 525,948 Minutes … start with the twinkling of your eye. A second, a blink, stepping towards your heart’s desire without hesitation.

Tonight, prepare to dance with life.

Find a notebook and a pen.

Start now.

Here are some of mine:

1.    My family came for dinner

2.    My health is great

3.    It was a sunny day

4.    I talked with an old friend

5.    The sound of birds singing

Day 1

5 things I am grateful for…..

Some more suggestions, add as many as you can think of.

Aim for 100 thankful things in 2 weeks.

1.    A beautiful song

2.    Your favourite pet 

3.    One of your senses

4.    A holiday

5.    A meal you have really enjoyed

Day 2

5 things I am grateful for…..

What inspires you?

Day 3

5 things I am grateful for…..

What energises you?

Day 4

5 more things I love…..

Who did you want to be when you were young?

Day 5

5 things to make your heart sing……

What is your favourite activity/hobby?

Day 6

5 things you are inspired by…..

What, for you, does it mean to be successful?

Day 7

5 jobs you like to complete and are easy……

What would you like to be your legacy?

By writing a few words or many will assist you to become mindful. This will help to remind yourself to take notice of your thoughts, feelings, body sensations and the world around you.

As well as practising mindfulness in daily life, it can be helpful to set aside time for a more formal mindfulness practice.

Several practices can help create a new awareness of body sensations, thoughts and feelings. They can include:

meditation – participants sit silently and pay attention to the sensations of breathing or other regions of the body, bringing the attention back whenever the mind wanders. I teach the Silva way there are others to try too.

yoga – participants often move through a series of postures that stretch and flex the body, with emphasis on awareness of the breath

tai-chi – participants perform a series of slow movements, with emphasis on awareness of breathing.

Until next week, bon voyage!

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